


Popsicles

by narukyuu



Series: Don't Touch [1]
Category: Iron Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Age Difference, Consent Issues, Eventual Fluff, Hypersensitivity, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, M/M, MIT Era, Protective Rhodey, Rhodey Feels, Rhodey Is a Good Bro, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark doesn't want a hug, Tony Stark-centric, hypersensitive Tone Stark, tactile sensitivity, touch-aversion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-30
Updated: 2016-08-30
Packaged: 2018-08-12 01:42:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7915582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/narukyuu/pseuds/narukyuu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For as long as he could remember, being touched was the worst thing in the world for Tony Stark.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Popsicles

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!  
> I needed a little break from my other overly-dark fic  
> And I had an idea about my bby Tony Stark having some kind of Sensory processing disorder (meaning - being to sensitive to touch, which is a little over-simplifying it, but I did that in the fic too so...)
> 
> It's something I experience in my life, and I couldn't help but think about how someone like Tony Stark would handle something like that, and how it would effect his life.
> 
>  
> 
> this is probably going to be a series of one shots - including this one, one about the three months in Afghanistan and Obediah, and the Avengers. to be written as I procrastinate on Last Opportunity. :)
> 
> *Ages - Tony is 16 and a half when he meets Rhodey, they have a 4 yrs gap between them.  
> 

For as long as he could remember, being touched was the worst thing in the world for Tony Stark.

He didn't know how it started, or if there'd been a trigger to the crawling feeling under his skin every time someone gave him a hug, ruffled his hair or kissed his cheek, he just knew it didn't feel good. It felt creepy, like something multi-legged crawling over his skin where he'd been touched.  

As a child, Tony looked to the family butler for answers, Jarvis was used to Tony tensing and twitching in his arms when he'd pick the young master up, but he was not prepared for Tony to ask him why people touched each other so much? - it felt so 'Icky'.

Jarvis was confused, tried to ask the child what he meant by that – didn't he like his mom and dad? Didn't he like Jarvis? Was someone touching him in private places, in a bad way? After Tony shook his head he sighed in relief and explained how important it was. Touch, hugs and kisses and even a pinch of his cheeks were all supposed to feel nice because they were about showing affection and love to each-other. Tony looked at him mortified and told him that was not how he felt with them at all.

Jarvis tried to convince the child a little more, asked him if there was anyone he did liked to get touched by, or any place on his body that felt nice and not icky. But the child remained adamant about his feelings. Then Jarvis decided he would let it go and let it pass on its own. He explained about the importance of being touched again, and how it was all done out of love. then he kissed the boy on his forehead like he did every night and wished him sweet dreams. Tony made a visible effort not to flinch away from the man's lips, convinced that doing so would make Jarvis think Tony didn't like him – and that just wasn't true.

From then on, Tony became better and better at hiding his revulsion, his father made it easy by turning the chills of disgust into shivers of pain, teaching him the hard way that Stark men do not cry or flinch away because of hurt, Stark men are made of Iron, they keep their demeanor calm and collected and they do whatever is required of them to get ahead. The message was drilled into his head until tears were sealed behind a dam that only cracked on late nights when he was left alone at the enormous, empty mansion, with only Jarvis to keep him company.

No one ever considered his comfort when it concerned being touched. In the world he lived in – touch was a requirement for acknowledgment, it was needed to make contacts and strengthen bonds.

Meeting his mother's high-society associates meant getting hugged, pinched and prodded at with invasive fingers for his attention. Being introduced to SI's board of directors was a near festival of shoulder and back patting and handshakes. Parties at the Stark-mansion meant a lot of both, and later at night – a probable shouting contest and rough handling from his father for some yet to be decided crime.

As he grew up, Tony discovered ways to handle his deviation from human nature chummy-feely-ness by surrounding himself with robots and metal, whose touch was comfortingly cold and smooth rather than unpleasant like humans. He also discovered that being touched while fully aware of the other person's intentions and mentally prepared for the touch had made the prickling feeling a little less disturbing, and the entire experience less horrible. It wasn't great, but it was something that allowed him to live a normal a life as Anthony Edward Stark could ever hope to live.

Most of the time however, the mentally prepared part took just longer time than available. And as a child not completely in control of his emotions just yet, it was harder to maintain the state of readiness to be touched at every moment.

At home it was, not by a lot – mind you, but definitely easier. His parents weren't around most of the time and when they were there they were either too distant or angry with him to make any physical advancements, Jarvis was busy with his duties as head-butler of the mansion to really shower him with attention anymore… Tony was left alone with the robots and engines and was mostly content.

And then he was sent to boarding school. It was an absolute nightmare – too young, too rich, too smart for his own good. Tony hated it, he hated his father for forcing him to go there. They wouldn't let him use the robotics labs without observation, they would force him to try and make friends with other children, all of whom older and bigger– and while Tony wanted to have friends, dumbing himself down for the sake of other people was tiring. Tony was marked from the moment he introduced himself as the 'Stark Genius-kid', his quiet, unsocial behavior and aversion to touch considered a form of condescension and snobbishness. Tony was friendless from the first day until the last.

It was a good thing that as a genius, he also graduated high school before his fourteenth year alive.

His years as the bullied underdog hardened him and sharpened his tongue, and the feelings of betrayal and hate towards his father for sending him away had strengthened as well. If before they were distant and detached from each-other's lives – his father too busy with his 'Bring Captain America Back' quest to pay any sort of attention to a child, now they were biting viciously onto each-other's necks and actively causing each other grief. 

It was a relief to get into college at such an early age, a freedom that was bestowed on him before he could comprehend it's meaning or know how to manage it. And while learning and expanding his already vast engineering knowledge, learning to research and reading all sorts of interesting academic materials was a lot of fun, so was having friends for the first time, partying, drinking, getting high, having sex…

Sex, which he started having at sixteen like the good, white, rich-boy stereotype that he was back then, was _fine_. It wasn't more awful than other types of touch, and orgasms actually felt good enough to get over the chill running down his spine with every touch he didn't prepare himself for. He was at college – It was part of the experience, and it was making his father angry. So what could be better?

Well, being asked for permission proved to be a pretty good candidate for that.

In all his life, Tony could not remember a time when somebody had asked if it was okay to touch him. if it was casual touches done naturally or physical expressions of affection, and more commonly – dislike, or sex, people just assumed he would be fine with it like any other, _normal_ person. And Tony just assumed that not being asked was normal, that discomfort was just a normal part of it – like a hangover after drinking, or a stomach ache after eating too much. If he flirted, and boy - did Tony Stark know how to flirt - then being touched after was a given.

He didn't learn otherwise until James Rupert Rhodes came into his life.

 

An intoxicated, and maybe a bit high Tony was drowning his uneasiness from the girl pawing on his chest and nibbling on his throat like it was made of candy with an ungodly amount of tequila, laughing and spluttering all over himself through the burn in his throat and chest as the girl moved her hand down his navel suggestively. It felt like spiders crawling and biting on his skin.

"Hey- listen, I don't think the kid is enjoying himself too much." The voice stricken him out of his drunken stupor momentarily, enough to have him twist his neck to get a blurry image of the older student sitting next to him and sipping on his beer like a total asshole – he giggled when the girl had her hand on his crotch, his skin felt prickly and weird and the last thing he wanted was to be touched anymore, but he just couldn't get the words out of his mouth, just a string of hiccups.

"He is a big boy, he will tell me if he's not enjoying it…" she purred and dangled a glass with some kind of alcoholic substance in it in front of the boy's face, Tony opened his mouth and allowed her to pour it over his tongue, maybe if he drank more the bad feelings would go away, he moaned and giggled again when she cupped him in her hand because it’s just so much easier than screaming and getting up and getting away, and she cooed at him with her lovely full lips and smiled when he leaned away from the feeling of those lips on his throat.  

He could almost hear the frown in the other student's voice. "get off him" he growled, the voice dangerously low. The girl laughed.

"What, are you the little slut's boyfriend?" she snorted, she pinched Tony's thigh and he thought he was going to throw up. "fine. You can have him. I only wanted him to pay for my drinks anyway!"

She got up and moved on and Tony slumped down on the sofa and everything was spinning around him, including the person sitting next to him who was studying him cautiously for several minutes.

"Do you need help getting back to your dorm?" the person said, and Tony sighed internally because just as he thought he got out of being touched that night, someone else fills the slot. He wondered if he'll be okay with just getting a blowjob, because that's the only thing he could endure for that night.

He wiped his eyes with his sleeve and nodded, keeping his head down.

"Can you stand? Walk?" shaking his head and preparing for the grab of the person's hand on his arm to pull him up. "Okay, okay… do you think you'll feel better after resting a few minutes? I'll stay and keep an eye out for any pervs." Tony raised his eyes to find the – honestly gorgeous – face of the person sitting next to him, whose deep brown eyes smiled at him with a bit hesitation.  "I could carry you." He adds hurriedly, and watches as Tony tenses immediately to prepare for the touch. "Yeah, thought so. Okay, we'll stay here." He says instead with the same cautious tone, Tony closes his eyes and breathes out his anxiety. He expected to wake up on the guy's bed in the middle of sex, like those things usually ended up, but instead he woke up on the same sofa just an hour later. He had a killer head-ache, but at least the world was not spinning anymore. He was surprised to find the other student, that he even recognizes from one of his advanced engineering classes now, still sitting next to him, and offering him a glass of water which Tony downed without a word.

"Morning, princess." He smiled and all Tony can think is how handsome the older man is, he almost doesn't mind the nickname. "Can I help you stand or do you want to try on your own?"

Now, in the common scenario, Tony would be hauled to his feet with not another word by his 'savior', taken to a random room and repay the boon. He looked at the man confused for a moment, hesitating to answer. "I… um, I'll try." He said, "catch me if I fall." He added quickly to fix the tear in the image he tried to maintain, finding suddenly that his face feels warm, and not from the alcohol.

The other student got up and waited for him to do the same, which he did, slowly and on wobbly legs. Then he offered his hand – an open suggestion of support with an extended arm. He didn't comment when Tony grabbed on the sleeve of his shirt instead.

They started the walk back to the dorms, apparently they were residing in the same one, on the same floor – even. So Tony was really confused on how it could be that he didn't recognize him – James, that was his name. a bit boring- from the dorm or from other parties. To which Jim -still boring- answered that he didn't go out much for parties and such, the program through which he enrolled to MIT was military based and required very high scores and good attendance records, he couldn't afford to miss lessons because of a hangover for the risk of losing his scholarship. This one night was in celebration of some test he aced and his friends had to drag him out.

Jim never commented on Tony's grasp on his sleeve but not his hand as he led them to the dorm and then to Tony's room, he didn't make moves to grab him when he fell behind or stopped walking because of his headache getting worse and when they got to the room he asked if Tony needed anything else before putting another cup of cool water on his nightstand, he instructed him to drink it and take an aspirin before falling asleep, as if Tony wasn't aware of hangover etiquette.

Tony was not particularly familiar with this kind of treatment, and the feeling – strange and surprising – was overwhelming him. He debated himself for a long minute as he saw Jim… James? Rhodes? Leaving, wanted to call his name and ask something, not that he knew what he would ask. It was clear that Rhodes was either not interested in him… a ridiculous notion, improbable but Tony had to admit - _possible_ , or he was interested and had some kind of… what, sexual insecurity? Rhodes didn't look like someone who'd be homophobic, and college was all about experimenting and having fun. It was troubling and caused Tony a worse headache than booze ever could, so he quit it.

Just as Rhodes left the room, he managed to call after him. "Um, uh, see you in class?" he smiled, bashfully trying to push down the heat engulfing his face when Rhodes smiled back at him softly.

"Sure thing."

 

When Tony told Rhodey that he thought they should have sex, Rhodey nearly sprayed his robotics project with coffee, and definitely gave himself a slight burn on his tongue and down his throat gulping said coffee down.

It was kind of hilarious.

"You are absolutely ridiculous, ya know that?" he grumbled with his tongue peeking through his lips and his eyes tearing a little, when Tony chuckle turned into a full blown roar of laughter he made a sour face, "Shit, too bad I can't smack you. I'm sending you the medical bill, asshole."

"Sure, honey-bear." It's been a while since such a nickname no longer earned a look of contempt or an embarrassed murmur telling him to stop, and even that – Tony thought, was more performative for the surroundings, a way to keep up the image. Both of them used the same mechanism, if for different purposes.

"But I'm serious. You know I've been dying to suck your popsicle." The innuendo caused a violent roll of Rhodey's eyes, the most rolling Tony ever saw someone's eyes do.  He buried his hands in the guts of his robot, "And if you weren't such a knight in shining armor trying to keep my long gone dignity safe, you know we would have done it already. I like you, you like me. Sex is totally fun, so why the hell not?"

Rhodey kept quiet for a moment, his hands holding his cup of coffee close and his eyes darting from It to the floor to Tony. Tony was sure he was trying to find an excuse, and it made him crazy. "If you use the age gap, I'm gonna spray you with the fire extinguisher." He declares before the older student – 4 years his senior, to be exact, opens his mouth. "I'm more adult than most of the twenty-somethings here, and more than capable of making my own decisions." He adds before Rhodey can argue his points.

Rhodey snorted, "Oh, right. Like you were the time I found you high and drunk and getting mauled by three different girls on the floor next to my dorm room at three am? These kinds of decisions?" Tony knew Rhodey didn't mean to hurt him, he saw the glint of worry in his eyes even as he closed them and shook his head before taking another sip of coffee. And he recoiled by the words anyway, his hands tearing several delicate cables out of the robot's body as they shot out of it, causing it to squeak mechanically for a moment before quieting down. Rhodey winced.

"Look, Tones, princess…" there was never a mocking connotation in the nickname, not since the first time he called Tony that. And since Tony had taken to calling Rhodey his 'Knight in shining armor' since then, they both figured it kind of fit. "I'm not saying that you don't know what you are doing, and hell – you know that I can't even claim to be on a higher moral ground or something. I get drunk, I sleep around. We played wingman to each-other enough times to establish that." Rhodey was such a hilarious drunk too. Tony Smirked at him and nodded.

"But?" he prompted the other boy with a lean of his head to one side.

"But as much as I respect your decisions and self-agency… Tony, every time someone touches you, you get twitchy and retreat into your head, I can see you mutely reciting Pi every time we go out and someone starts flirting and touching every bit of skin available on you. I know… I know you said you enjoy sex, I know you said you do feel attracted to those people. But I can't do it. I can't bear the thought of touching you and watching you withdraw from me like that." He paused, his eyes darting the floor in search for some hole to crawl into and die in – by the looks of it.

Tony looked at him a moment, mouth agape. He wanted to tell Rhodey it'd be fine, that he didn't mind the bad feeling if it comes from his best friend – then he realized this was never about him, it was about what Rhodey needed, what he wanted from a potential relationship, and it was something Tony could never give.

"I never understood… how you could tell." He finally admitted, meeting Rhodey's eyes with a soft, little smile. "I was attracted to that girl like you wouldn't believe, she was hot, and funny, and said such dirty things… I really wanted to do all those things with her." He whispered, "and she must have known that, because she didn't even ask, she just got on top of me on the couch and started touching, and it was fine. It’s always like that. I was uncomfortable but it's always like that." Rhodey sat next to him on the floor, his eyes intent on him. "and then you come along, Sir Knight in your shiny Polo shirt, and you ask me questions about what I want… I was so confused. I didn't understand why you would even ask, and it was such a weird feeling – but good, really good."

"We never even had a conversation about it afterwards!" he cackled loudly, "You just knew, you just knew how I felt like you could read my mind. You never touched me but… I still know you like me. How? I don't understand."

Rhodey sat next to him quietly, then murmured something inaudible under his breath. His hand moved to stroke the hard metal of the robot they were working on, and Tony knew it was meant for him.

"Rhodey?"

"You are an idiot." Rhodey didn't remove his hand, "And whoever told you have to be touched to know you are loved is… I don't know who he is, but I kind of want to punch him for messing with your head like that." Tony winced, thinking about Jarvis and the conversation they had almost nightly about the subject when he was little, the books he read about it – about how friendly touch caused Oxytocin to be secreted and help strengthen human bonds. he thought knowing why the body needed touch biologically would help him get over his disgust but instead it made him see himself as even more of a human catastrophe, a failure at even functioning as any normal person would.

"Tony, we… we've only known each other for… what, eight months? And I already think of you as my best friend. I enjoy every moment I spend with you and whatever trouble you get us in, I want you to be happy and safe and be by your side as much as I can and… and I love you. You are an idiot dork, a beautiful genius and sometimes I don't know how to handle your behavior and most of the time you drive me absolutely crazy. And I love you a lot." His hand clenched over the metal. "And I don't need to touch you to be able to make you feel it, because showing someone you care for them and for their wants and needs is, well I think it's better than some chemically induced reaction. Don't you?"

Tears prickled in the corners of Tony's eyes, he wiped them away immediately. "Aw, Jim. That's so… romantic?" he says, trying to hide the shudder in his artificially smug voice. He wants to chuckle and brush aside the entire affair, unfair as it was to his friend, because how could he hope for something like that? How could he hope to return such strong feelings when he couldn't even stand to touch Rhodey? Instead a sob fell from his lips and the tears returned.

"I… I am…" his composure was slipping from between his fingers as he covered his face with them, dirtying it with oil and smearing it all over when he tried again to wipe tears away. "Rhodey… I… Please." he wasn't sure what he was begging for, what he needed from him.

"I don't know how to do this!" he shouted into his hands, seeing between his fingers how Rhodey almost moved instinctively to touch, just to withdraw immediately, his stretched out hand lowering in resignation. Tony removed his hand from his face. "I am messed up, Rhodey… I can't even show you how much I love you back, I can't- I can't want you to touch me but I actually do want, and nothing makes any sense!" he cursed in Italian as he felt his face heating up, probably reddening like a tomato too, and picked at the cables he tore from his robot earlier for some kind of frustration outlet.

Rhodey stares at him surprised, with a small tentative smile appearing on his lips, his eyes soft and comforting. "You want me to...? Tony…" he scoots closer and sits up on his knees so close Tony can feel the heat of his skin radiating against him but without the crawling feeling of actual touch, Tony stops picking apart the cables and looks back to him in bewilderment.

"Tony, can I hold your hand?" Rhodey asks, and his tone is low and slow and patient, and his hand is there, stretched forward and open in invitation. He doesn't say another thing, he doesn't need too – whatever happens now would not hurt their budding life-long friendship, this is an opportunity neither of them must take if they don't want to.

Tony doesn't bother to prepare himself for the tingling sensation he normally anticipates. For Rhodey he would feel it happily.

For the first time in his life, touching someone else feels good.

 

Three months later they hugged for the first time. Tony gave Rhodey blanket permission to touch him whenever and wherever he wants to – tired of the constant requests for consent. Rhodey keeps asking – but mostly it's just to annoy him, it seems.

A year after that, when Rhodey finally agrees to have sex with him - Tony buys him a fridge full of popsicles and laughs until he can't breathe at his best friend's face when he physically explains the innuendo – not actually on a popsicle.

 


End file.
